A non-religious wedding ceremony doesn't have to feel like a religious one with the God parts cut out. Done well, it stands on its own — true, warm, specific to the couple, complete.
Below are three full scripts at different lengths. Use any one as written, or mix sections across them. All three use gender-neutral defaults; swap in "husband," "wife," "spouse," or names wherever the couple wants.
What every non-religious ceremony needs
Legally, the only line you have to nail is the declaration of intent — the "do you take" moment. Both partners must affirm out loud, in their own voice, that they intend to be married. Everything else is yours to design.
A standard non-religious ceremony includes:
- Welcome
- A reflection on what marriage means
- A story about the couple
- (Optional) readings — poetry, prose, or a friend speaking
- Declaration of intent
- Vows
- Ring exchange
- Pronouncement
- The kiss
That's it. No invocations, no benedictions, no scripture. Just nine moves, in order.
Script 1: The 5-minute ceremony
For elopements, courthouse weddings, or couples who want to keep it short.
Welcome. We're here to witness [Alex] and [Sam] marry each other. That's the whole reason any of us came. So let's not waste time getting to it.
On marriage. Marriage, at its best, is two people saying out loud: I see who you actually are, and I want to keep showing up for that person. Not a perfect version. The real one. That's what we're here to make official.
Declaration of intent. [Alex], do you take [Sam] to be your spouse, to love and stand with for as long as you both shall live? (I do.) [Sam], do you take [Alex] to be your spouse, to love and stand with for as long as you both shall live? (I do.)
Vows. [Couple speaks their vows, or repeats after officiant.]
Rings. Place this ring on [Sam]'s finger and say: With this ring, I marry you. [Repeat.]
Pronouncement. By the power vested in me by the state of [state], I now pronounce you married. You may kiss.
Script 2: The 15-minute ceremony (recommended for most weddings)
Long enough to feel like a real ceremony, short enough that no one starts checking their phone.
Welcome. Good [afternoon/evening]. Thank you for being here. I'm [Name], and today I have the honor of marrying [Alex] and [Sam].
Before we begin: take a breath. Whatever else has happened today — the traffic, the seating chart, the speech you're still writing in your head — set it down. We're here, right now, for a wedding. There's nowhere else you need to be.
On marriage. A wedding is a small thing and a huge thing at the same time. Small, because it's two people saying a few sentences out loud. Huge, because what they're really saying is: I am choosing this person, and I am asking all of you to witness that choice, so that on the days when it's hard, we'll remember that we did this in front of everyone we love.
That's what marriage is. Not a feeling — feelings come and go. A choice. A choice you keep making, in the unspectacular Tuesdays and the unforgettable Saturdays, over and over again, for as long as you're both alive.
About the couple. [Tell a 90-second story about how the couple met or a moment that defined the relationship. Two or three specific details — the bar, the bad pasta, the bike ride home — beat any general statement about love.]
Declaration of intent. [Alex], do you take [Sam] to be your spouse — to love them, support them, and stand with them through whatever comes, for as long as you both shall live? (I do.) [Sam], do you take [Alex] to be your spouse — to love them, support them, and stand with them through whatever comes, for as long as you both shall live? (I do.)
Vows. [Couple reads their own vows, or repeat-after-me.]
If repeat-after-me: I, [Alex], take you, [Sam], to be my spouse / to have and to hold from this day forward / for better, for worse / in good times and hard ones / I will love you and stand with you / for as long as we both shall live.
Ring exchange. Rings are a small physical reminder of an enormous promise. Every time you see this ring on your hand — in the grocery store, at the airport, in the middle of a fight — let it remind you what you said today.
[Alex], place this ring on [Sam]'s finger and repeat after me: With this ring, I marry you. May it remind you, every day, that I chose you. [Repeat for the other partner.]
Pronouncement. [Alex] and [Sam], you have declared, in front of all of us, that you are choosing each other. By the power vested in me by the state of [state], I now pronounce you married.
You may kiss.
Script 3: The 25-minute ceremony (with two readings)
For couples who want a fuller ceremony with friends or family speaking.
Use the script above, and insert these two readings:
Reading 1 (after "About the couple," before the declaration of intent):
[A close friend reads. Suggested texts: an excerpt from The Velveteen Rabbit on becoming real; Mary Oliver's "Wild Geese"; Rilke's Letters to a Young Poet on solitude in marriage; a passage from a book the couple loves; an essay or poem one of them wrote.]
Reading 2 (after the vows, before the ring exchange):
[A family member or second friend reads. Suggested: Wendell Berry's "The Country of Marriage"; an Anne Sexton or Ada Limón poem; a passage from a book that means something specific to the couple's relationship.]
You can also add a unity ritual between the rings and the pronouncement — a sand-pouring, candle-lighting, hand-tying, or wine-sharing. Keep it under three minutes.
Customizing for your couple
A few things to know:
- Cut anything that doesn't sound like the couple. If the line about "small thing and huge thing" sounds too philosophical for your friends, cut it. The script should sound like you talking, not a Hallmark card.
- Names beat pronouns when in doubt. "Alex" works in every state and avoids any awkwardness about which pronouns the couple uses.
- Practice out loud, at least three times. Silent reading lies to you about what works and what doesn't.
- Print it on real paper. Phones die. Wedding wifi is unreliable. Bring a paper copy.
A note on the declaration of intent
The declaration is the only legally required line. Whatever else you change, do not skip it. Each partner must affirm out loud that they intend to marry the other. Many states will void a license signed without one.
If you're not sure your phrasing counts, the safest formula is: "Do you, [Name], take [Name] to be your [spouse/husband/wife/partner in marriage], for as long as you both shall live?" — followed by a clear "I do."
Ready to officiate?
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