There are millions of married trans people in the United States. There are scripts for almost none of them.
The "trans-inclusive ceremony scripts" that exist online tend to be gender-neutral templates with a brief note that says use this if either partner is trans! That's a start, but it misses the point: many trans couples don't want a neutered ceremony. They want a ceremony that acknowledges who they are — by name, by pronoun, by joy — and then moves on to the business of getting married.
Here's a script written specifically for a trans couple — meaning one or both partners are transgender. It's modular. Read the variant section that fits your couple and use the rest of the script as-is.
Before you write — the questions
Sit with the couple and work through these:
- What names are we using? Chosen names for both. Always.
- What pronouns? Confirm even if you think you know.
- Do you want the ceremony to reference your transness at all? Some couples want a single line. Some want the wedding to be a wedding. Some want a whole section. All of these are valid.
- What's the pronouncement word? Husbands. Wives. Spouses. Husband and wife in whatever gendered configuration applies to you, not to what the state assumed at birth.
- Is there anyone in the room who's still adjusting? This shapes how much you, the officiant, lean into modeling pronouns.
Write down the answers. Reference them while drafting.
The script
Welcome. Good [afternoon / evening]. I'm [Name], and today I have the very particular honor of marrying [Partner 1] and [Partner 2]. Look around the room: the people you see here are the people who said yes when these two asked them to show up. That's not a small thing. That's the room they wanted, and you made it.
On what we're doing. A wedding, at its heart, is two people saying out loud: I see who you actually are, and I want to keep showing up for that person. Not the version of you that exists in someone else's expectations. Not a version that fits more easily into the world's categories. The real one. The version that's standing in front of me now.
[Partner 1] and [Partner 2] are getting married today as exactly who they are. That sentence is doing more work than most. It is the work of years. It is the work of becoming. And today, that becoming is recognized by everyone in this room and by the state of [state].
About the couple — your story. [Two or three specific moments. The night they met. The trip to the courthouse. The first time one of them was called by their actual name in front of the other's family. Don't summarize. Pick details. Be specific.]
[If the couple wants the transition referenced explicitly:] Both [Partner 1] and [Partner 2] have become more fully themselves since they met. That becoming has not been small. It has been one of the most important things either of them has done. And it has been witnessed, all along, by the person standing across from them now. That witnessing is what we are recognizing today.
(Optional reading.)
Declaration of intent. [Partner 1], do you take [Partner 2] — the person they are now, the person they have become, and the person they are still becoming — to be your spouse, for as long as you both shall live? (I do.)
[Partner 2], do you take [Partner 1] — the person they are now, the person they have become, and the person they are still becoming — to be your spouse, for as long as you both shall live? (I do.)
Vows. [Each partner reads their own, or repeat-after-me. See the next section for line options.]
Ring exchange. These rings are small physical things meant to remind you of something enormous. Every day you see this ring on your hand, let it remind you: I chose this person. I am still choosing them. They are becoming, and so am I, and we are doing it together.
[Partner 1], place this ring on [Partner 2]'s finger and repeat after me: With this ring, I marry you. May it remind you, every day, that I see you, that I chose you, and that I keep choosing you.
[Repeat for the other partner.]
Pronouncement. [Partner 1] and [Partner 2] — you have stood here, in the names you chose, in the bodies you live in, in the lives you have built — and you have promised yourselves to each other. By the power vested in me by the state of [state], I now pronounce you [husbands / wives / spouses / partners].
You may kiss.
Vow lines that work for a trans couple
Mix and match. Pick four to six lines per partner.
I vow to love you in every version of yourself you become. I am not promising to love a snapshot. I am promising to love a person.
I vow that your name is the right name. I vow that it has always been the right name, and I will say it in every room.
I vow to keep meeting you wherever you arrive. The version of you in [year]. The version of you here. The versions you have not yet become.
I vow to be your home — the place you come back to, no matter who you have to become to get there.
I vow to grieve with you anything you have had to let go of along the way. I will not pretend the cost was nothing.
I vow to celebrate every becoming. Every change. Every small step you take toward who you actually are.
I vow that I will always know you. I will not lose you in the changes. I will follow you closely enough to keep up.
I vow that the world will look at us and see a married couple — and that, in our house, we will know it sees something much more specific: us.
I vow to choose you. Today. Tomorrow. The day you make a change neither of us could predict. The day I do.
I am here. I am here. I am here.
If they want a lighter line or two:
I vow to share the bed and not the blankets.
I vow to keep your weird coffee mug forever.
I vow that the dog being sick will be my problem half the time.
A pronouncement, depending on configuration
Different trans-couple configurations want different pronouncement language. Pick what fits:
For two trans women, or a trans woman + cis woman who both use "wife":
By the power vested in me by the state of [state], I now pronounce you wives.
For two trans men, or a trans man + cis man who both use "husband":
By the power vested in me by the state of [state], I now pronounce you husbands.
For a couple where one uses "husband" and the other uses "wife," and they want gendered pronouncement:
By the power vested in me by the state of [state], I now pronounce you husband and wife.
Yes — said in the appropriate configuration for the couple, not the configuration assumed by the state at birth. Husband and wife said over a trans man and a cis woman, or a trans woman and a cis man, is the same beautiful traditional language used the way it should always have been used: to describe the people in front of you.
For a couple using "spouses" or "partners":
By the power vested in me by the state of [state], I now pronounce you spouses for life.
A note on the legal name vs the actual name
The marriage license has legal names and the state-recorded gender markers. If a partner has not yet legally updated their name, the license will reflect the old name. This does not affect the validity of the marriage.
What it does mean:
- The ceremony uses chosen names. Always. The officiant does not say a deadname during a wedding under any circumstances.
- The license is signed with whatever name is currently legal. That's a separate piece of paper. The ceremony script and the license can have different names.
- Many states allow you to amend the marriage record later when the name is legally changed. The process is state-specific. We covered this in the vow renewal after transition guide — same process applies whether you do a renewal or not.
What not to do
- Do not refer to the transition in the past tense as "what happened to you." Transition is something a person does, not something that befalls them.
- Do not include a line that thanks the cis partner for "accepting" or "staying through" the transition. This frames acceptance as a gift the cis partner gave, instead of as a basic recognition of who their spouse is.
- Do not mention the deadname. Ever. For any reason. Not even as a story-callback to who one partner was "before." This is non-negotiable.
- Do not announce the transition to the room as if it's news. The room knows or doesn't know. The wedding is not the venue for a coming-out.
- Do not include "even though" anywhere in the ceremony. "They love each other even though…" makes the rest of the sentence the thing the room hears. Just remove "even though." Then love each other.
Getting ordained
If you're a friend who's been asked to officiate, get ordained with Church of Pride for $20. We were built for ministers doing this work, and our ordinations are recognized in nearly every state. If a county clerk pushes back, contact us for a letter of good standing.
Read the pronouns at a wedding guide and the trans/nonbinary ceremony guide before you finalize the script. Then rehearse out loud — three times minimum — so the language is in your body and not on the page.
The couple has done the work of becoming. Your job, on the day, is to be steady. To say the right names. To say the right pronouns. To pronounce the marriage clearly. Then sit down and let them be married.